As I sit in front of my laptop,
Dashing away these lines from my head,
My mind despairs at the day ahead,
Dulled by the ache and agony of fear.
I woke up today morning,
And burrowed my head deep into the pillow,
Never wanting to wake up again,
To another day of life on this earth.
Yesterday I went to the temple,
Hoping that I would find solace in God’s abode,
The God whom I despise,
For making me go through this cruel life.
From my earliest days,
I have been an inadequate human being,
Who could never stand up for himself,
In school, college, or office.
Alas, the tragedy of being born an inadequate human,
Is indeed telling on the mind and soul,
My body laced with drugs of all kinds,
Prescribed by the shrink who assures me I will be fine.
I move to my 8th-floor balcony,
And the thought occurs to me.
How easy it would be to take a leap,
And end it all in a jiffy.
But something in me stirs,
I ask myself the question,
Do I have the right to do that?
Is this life ours to take?
Life is a boon gifted to us,
The atheists say it is gifted by nature,
The theists say it is gifted by God,
I do not know whose gift it is.
But one thing I do know is that,
It is not mine to demolish,
And with that thought, I move away from the balcony,
And go back into my room to start another day.
1 thought on “Does My Life Belong To Me?”
I’ve gone through terrible fits of depression. One lasted a couple of years or more. Each time I took certain drastic steps. Like changing the workplace. It works sometimes. Some change is good and, perhaps, necessary.
You’ll overcome this.
I often feel like an utter failure. I’m a failure in the world of practical people. So I choose to live cut off from others except my students. There are times I have cursed myself, my birth.